in 2008 I was faced with a crisis. I found out I was pregnant, and I was only 18

Have you ever been faced with a unplanned crisis pregnancy? Did you have nowhere to turn and no one to talk to? Were you scared, alone and hopeless, not knowing what to do?

I have, and this is my story. My name is Kailee P, and in 2008 I was faced with a crisis. I found out I was pregnant, and I was only 18. During that time I was heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol and using every single day. My new boyfriend, whom I just moved in with, was an addict as well and sold drugs for a living.

I know you’re probably thinking, “They must have an abortion. That baby doesn’t deserve to be born in that kind of situation and put in our overflowing foster care system. Abortion is the best answer for this problem.” That’s exactly what we thought, too. I spent several nights tormented, not knowing what to do and being so afraid of making the wrong decision. I was HOPELESS. I had no one to talk to but my mother and nowhere to turn. Everyone seemed to tell me what I should do, but I struggled in making a decision for myself.

My mom got the number to a pregnancy resource center, and we decided I would make an appointment to talk to someone. I had no idea what a pregnancy center was or what they did.

When I walked through those doors, I felt so afraid and ashamed. I met with one of their counselors, and immediately I felt safe and at peace there. She began talking to me and listening to me and my situation. She went through ALL of my options with me, and we discussed each one thoroughly: abortion, adoption and parenting. She made it very clear to me this was MY CHOICE and that they would be there for me whatever decision I made. The pregnancy center empowered, educated and equipped me to make a decision that wasn’t based on the fear I was feeling because of the situation I was in. NEVER once was I coerced into a certain decision. NEVER once was I lied to or deceived in any way. I instead was loved right where I was at, given hope in the midst of my dark situation and was made to feel empowered to make the decision I truly wanted.

I chose life for my daughter that day. My mom has even said I went in filled with darkness and left filled with a light. I was given HOPE! Not only was the pregnancy center there for my crisis pregnancy, but they counseled me and walked me through my addiction issues. They helped me every step of the way to become the mom I wanted to be but had no idea how to be. They supplied material items to help with my baby, including diapers.

I had my daughter in 2008, and it was the best day of my life. My drug dealer boyfriend decided he wanted to be a dad and get a real job to provide for us and support us, and the pregnancy center was always open to helping him, too. We got married in 2010 and got sober. I have been completely set free from drug addiction and alcoholism since then. I just celebrated nine years of sobriety. My husband and I have four children now. Life hasn’t always been easy, but the pregnancy center has been there for us every step of the way. We have a beautiful family because they were there. Today I am a national speaker, and my daughter whose life was saved through the work of the pregnancy center and I travel and share our story all over. I speak up on behalf of the countless women and families who will be helped because the Adirondack Pregnancy Center will be established. This community needs a place for people in need to turn to. This will be a safe place for women and families in need. Their help goes beyond counseling and pregnancy services. In my case, it saved my very life. I will be forever thankful pregnancy centers exist today! I proudly support this new center and am excited to speak of the great things that will come because of them!


My story of abortion, pain and healing

In 1982 my girlfriend and I became pregnant. During this time I was one year away from graduation and she was two years away. We decided together that abortion was our best option. My family went to church regularly. My fear was in that we were having children out of wedlock. We both felt that our parents would not look at our situation in a positive light. We both viewed abortion as a medical procedure that hurt no one. We perceived that having children before graduation was out of the question. We were planning to get married in about a year and a half. It made sense to me at that time.

My girlfriend and I went to the Planned Parenthood Clinic together, near our college. We never questioned whether this was right or not. Neither of us consulted with our parents. My girlfriend and I went into the office for the "procedure." I was asked to stay in the waiting room. The moment the abortion took place I felt a profound feeling of sadness. I was unable to explain this at that time.

My girlfriend, who later became my wife, and I spoke about the abortion twice. She made it clear that she did not want to speak about it again. This became a strong issue in our marriage that ultimately led to our divorce. I started to drink heavily and alone to deal with the intense unidentified shame that I felt. During my marriage, I had more and more trouble dealing with my abortion thoughts. This ultimately resulted in a major break from reality. I spent two months in a psychiatric hospital. My alcoholism and bipolar disorder were direct results of not dealing with the pain of having killed my own child.

The Lord brought me to sobriety in AA. As things cleared up my pain increased. I was not sure where this was coming from. I spoke to my Catholic brother and sister in law. She was involved with a pregnancy center and was aware of a program called Rachel's Vineyard. They indicated that this program could help me deal with the pain and the hurt. After talking to the Priest for counseling, he indicated that I was the only male in the North Country that had participated in this program up until that time. This was an indication of the isolation that I experienced at this time.

The priest assured me that I was not alone. He said that a lot of people had the feelings of shame and self-hate that I had. He suggested that I name the aborted child. I used the name that my ex-wife and I were talking about. I named him Justin and got a necklace with his name on it. It gave me the chance to tell my story to those who asked about it. This was the deepest, most profound crying I had done at that time. The healing started. The Priest assured me that Jesus’ death on the cross had atoned for my sin. I cried a lot. I still cry from the depths of my soul when I try to comprehend what I did. Jesus loves us all.

At that time I gave myself to Jesus Christ in March, 2008. I realized God had redeemed me, that I was covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and God's grace could cover ALL of my sin. I also realized that sharing this with many people would be a big part of God's purpose for me.

We do not offer, recommend or refer for abortions or abortifacients, but we are committed to offering accurate information about all pregnancy options to include parenting, abortion and adoption.